


Best-Laid Plans

by brokenhighways



Category: Hit the Floor (TV)
Genre: Crack, Flash Fic, Humor, M/M, Paparazzi, Strawberries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:40:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25375561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brokenhighways/pseuds/brokenhighways
Summary: Since Zero kissed Jude in front of the world, he’s been dealing with reporters crawling up his ass and harassing him at every turn. It’s reached the point where he needs to do something before he freaks out and ends up on the losing side in court.
Relationships: Jude Kinkade/Zero | Gideon
Comments: 20
Kudos: 83
Collections: Zude





	Best-Laid Plans

**Author's Note:**

> I was working on a different story and accidentally pulled out my laptop plug and it's now LOST FOREVER which made me sad, lol. So I wrote this to cheer myself up.

Since Zero kissed Jude in front of the world, he’s been dealing with reporters crawling up his ass, harassing him at every turn. It’s reached the point where he needs to do  _ something _ before he freaks out and ends up on the losing side in court. 

He can see the headlines now. 

_ Zero Shoves Microphone Down Reporter’s Throat.  _

_ Zero Shoves Reporter Into A Fountain.  _

_ Zero Spontaneously Combusts After Offering ‘No Comment’ A Million Times. _

He’s not looking to end up in any trouble. 

So, he sends out the Zero-signal. 

Jude is less than impressed when Zero explains this to him. “What’s a Zero-signal?” 

“It’s like the Bat-signal, only  _ cooler _ ,” Zero says. “We need groceries, and these reporters want to follow us everywhere. The way I see it, all we need to do is turn up with grocery lists and reusable bags, and we’re good to go.”

“Hang on. You called the reporters and told them you’re going to be at Trader Joe’s?”

“Of course not.  _ Whole Foods _ .”

Jude is adorably confused, and Zero almost bails on his plan. An adorably confused Jude is one of his weak spots. However, he pushes that down for later. 

“I thought Whole Foods was quote-unquote for people who’d wipe their asses with dollar bills if they could.”

Zero nods wholeheartedly. “I said it, and I stand by it. It just so happens that it’s in a photogenic location. Our kids are going to see all of these pictures someday. Might as well as make sure we look good.”

“You’re a mess,” Jude tells him, although he’s visibly amused. 

“The hottest mess you’ve ever seen,” Zero fires back, grinning when Jude’s cheeks flush. 

“Okay, so, how exactly are you going to handle the reporters?” Jude asks. “I don’t think they’re going to do your grocery shopping just to get some footage. What’s in it for them?”

“Easy. The first person to buy every item on the list gets an exclusive.”

“Which is…”

“To kindly kiss my ass and quit following me around,” Zero says. “It’s a foolproof plan, designed to ensure that every reporter who shows up loses.”

“And what are you going to do with all the groceries they buy?” Jude’s mind is always on the go, analyzing and solving problems - but Zero’s thought far ahead. 

“You know how we ran out of lube last week, and it was a whole ordeal to get you to pick some up? Let’s just say we won’t have to worry about that anymore. I hope you like strawberry. We can donate the rest of it.”

Jude narrows his eyes and says, “In my defense, every time I pick up... _ supplies _ ...I get the one cashier who has no personal boundaries. I had a ninety-year-old woman ask me if I tied you up. It was mortifying.”

Zero shrugs, not wanting to get sidetracked or point out that the age of this ‘older’ lady changes every time Jude tells the story. “We’ll deal with your aversion to telling people to mind their own business later. Right now, it’s time to get these reporters.”

“You know, as your boss, I strongly advise you against toying with the press like this. You need them to be on your side.”

“That’s my boss speaking,” Zero says, knowing that he’ll never give a shit about the media. “What does my  _ boyfriend _ think?”

Jude’s mouth twists like he’s trying hard not to laugh. “I think we might need some whipped cream to go with the strawberry.”

_ fin _


End file.
